Expectism

Hello its me, and here i'm still alive through prashe and coffee. A ton of apologize can't help me, and i'm truly sorry, for the pop up words that you can't find in this page neither boundary. But from this sorry i will tell you a story. So listen and enjoy your bite slowly.

Ok that opening seems too cliche, but yeah the rythm's pretty good-so i'll take yeah. Anyway 31 days without posting my thoughts were pretty bad. It's made me desperate enough to realize that lot things happend and i don't have kinda chance to poured it into this big bowl, aka portal of words that you can click it on the bio in my instagram or everywhere anyway- i didn't blame my activities neither time, i blame my unprfesionalistic way to arrange and help my life from procastinating. Yeah i do.

But first thing first. Did y'all already expect that i'll post or renew this portal four or three times in a month? Well i'll try harder to make it happend, but the one i wanna highlight with super bold marker is, the expectation.

Sometimes, realized or not, we're too attached to our expectation-well, i'll bring it to the lower stage then-we are get used to put our expectations or models to surrounding. But the truth is, in my life of procasting lately,its bad,yeah! the act of shaped thing around to your expectations is bad, too bad. So the selfishness inside your soul blessed by your behavior.

How could the selfishness get involved in this?

I can assume that the expectations that we created, were the form of the thought of self-absorbed. If the imaginary can paint as a narrative ;The king of egosentric that controlled our mind and brain is ten times thougher and vicious than the queen of caring and warm sunshine who monpolied on her, she can't get the portion of authority that they both agreed-the realm of sovereignty had no more balance to each part to stiring our life;

And then, if lifes doesn't run as well as your expectation, the situation will be the causes of your anger, you blame the situation, you blame others, you blame anything. You weren't able to look at the mirror, and facing your own mistakes. Yes, you are. You made everything up to seize your expectation.
At that time, you are blind, and deaf.

Sometimes we didn't realize, even the small things we're expected on, because the society made us belive its usual things either.The javanesse phylisophycal value that i earn in every single talk with my childhood memories clearly said,

" Nek misal lakumu apik, uwong liyo bakal apik marang koe "
If you're kind to another, then other will treat you kind
-the life, teaches me another.

I was belived at that quote, its truly philosophycalistic, and i belive that the power of kindness are transform and goin' back into ourself. But, people won't treat us equally forever. That's the common thing if the kindness we offer, were paid by malignity. I've tried. The aim of our kindness often being translate into other preciptions, either we ignoring the method on we're send it through. Life never goin' smooth and eazy peasy.

So it's time to correct that phrase, we don't have to put the last sentence, so the intend was treat others good without so and then. We don't have to put the after effect to that action, because who knows what rely on the peoples heart?
Our mission only to act the good, spread the kindness in our way. Thats it, thats the point. Ikhlas.

Why we must thinking so hard about what expectation end well, or what others will paid to you with kindness either. Its a waste.

I know its hard, truthfully i can't guarantee myself for being out of expectism. Its times problem, its progress of being better.

Yogyakarta,
Ditulis bercicil-cicil sejak awal april